Marriage, singleness, and sexual ethics

Paul teaches that both marriage and singleness are good gifts from God. Believers are to live with sexual purity, marital faithfulness, peace, and wholehearted devotion to the Lord within the life situation God has given them.

In this chapter, Paul answers several questions from the Corinthians about marriage, singleness, sex, divorce, and everyday life circumstances. He is still addressing the same broad concern as in the previous chapter: the body belongs to the Lord, so Christians must not use it for sexual sin. But Paul also corrects an opposite error. Some in Corinth seem to have reacted against immorality by treating all sexual relations as spiritually inferior. Paul rejects that idea as well. Sexual immorality is sinful, but marital intimacy is lawful and good.

When Paul says, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman,” he is likely echoing a Corinthian slogan that he then qualifies, though that cannot be proved with absolute certainty. In any case, his meaning in the verses that follow is plain: because sexual immorality is a real danger, each husband and wife should fulfill their marital obligations to one another. In marriage, the husband does not have sole authority over his own body, and the wife does not have sole authority over hers. Paul’s instruction here is strikingly mutual. Neither spouse should withhold sexual intimacy from the other except by mutual agreement, for a limited time, and for a spiritual purpose such as prayer. Even then, they should come together again so that Satan does not take advantage of human weakness. This is not a command requiring married couples to abstain for prayer, but a concession that permits it under defined conditions.

Paul then explains that singleness, like marriage, is a gift from God. He personally wishes more people could remain as he is, unmarried, because that condition can allow freer service to the Lord. But he does not turn his own situation into a rule for everyone. God gives different gifts. So to the unmarried and widows, Paul says it is good to remain single if they are able to do so with self-control. But if they lack self-control, they should marry. Marriage is not a second-class option or a moral failure. It is better to marry than to burn with sexual desire.

Next Paul addresses married believers. Here he distinguishes between a command that comes directly from the Lord Jesus’ earthly teaching and apostolic instruction given by Paul in cases Jesus did not explicitly address during His earthly ministry. “Not I, but the Lord” does not mean Paul is more authoritative in one place and less in another. It means the Lord had already spoken directly to this issue. The command is clear: a wife must not leave her husband, and a husband must not divorce his wife. If separation does occur, the separated spouse should remain unmarried or else be reconciled. Paul upholds the permanence of marriage and does not treat divorce lightly.

Paul then turns to mixed marriages, where one spouse is a believer and the other is not. Jesus had not directly addressed this exact post-conversion situation, so Paul says, “I, not the Lord,” meaning that he is now giving authoritative apostolic instruction on a matter not previously stated by Jesus during His earthly ministry. If the unbelieving spouse is willing to continue the marriage, the believer must not seek divorce. The marriage remains a real marriage. The unbelieving spouse is “sanctified” through the believing spouse, and the children are “holy.” This does not mean the unbelieving spouse is automatically saved, because verse 16 clearly distinguishes this sanctifying effect from actual salvation. Rather, the unbelieving spouse and the children are set apart in a relational or household sense within a home influenced by the believer’s relationship to God.

However, if the unbelieving spouse insists on leaving, the believer is to let the separation happen. In such a case the brother or sister is “not bound.” This phrase is debated. The broader binding language in the chapter may suggest real release from the marriage bond when an unbelieving spouse definitively deserts, but interpreters differ, so the point should not be pressed beyond the text. Paul’s pastoral concern here is not to preserve marriage at any cost when the unbeliever has already broken the shared life. God has called believers to peace. Still, Paul does not say the believer should pursue the breakup. The instruction applies when the unbeliever chooses to depart. Nor should the believer assume that staying in the marriage guarantees the other spouse’s salvation. God may save the unbelieving spouse, but that outcome is not in the believer’s control.

In verses 17–24, Paul gives a governing principle for much of the chapter: believers should generally remain in the life situation in which God called them. Conversion to Christ does not normally require an immediate change in social condition. Paul first applies this to circumcision and uncircumcision. Jewish or Gentile status does not make a person more acceptable before God. What matters is keeping God’s commandments. He then applies the same principle to slavery and freedom. A slave who becomes a Christian should not think he must immediately escape his position in order to serve Christ truly. At the same time, if freedom becomes available, Paul says to make use of the opportunity. So this principle is not rigid fatalism. The point is that a person’s standing in Christ does not depend on social status. The slave called by Christ is the Lord’s freedman, and the free person called by Christ is Christ’s slave. Both are now defined chiefly by belonging to Him. Because believers were bought with a price, they must not become slaves of men in any ultimate sense.

Paul then returns to the question of those who have never married. He says he has no direct command from the Lord on this point, but he gives trustworthy apostolic judgment. Because of the “present distress,” he thinks it is best for people to remain as they are. The exact nature of this distress is not stated clearly, so we should not be dogmatic about its historical form. But it plainly strengthens Paul’s practical preference for remaining in one’s current condition. If a man is married, he should not seek release. If he is unmarried, he should not actively seek a wife. Yet Paul carefully adds that marriage is not sin. If an unmarried person marries, he has not sinned. Paul’s preference for singleness is practical and situational, not moralistic.

Why this preference? Paul says the time is short and the present form of this world is passing away. He is not denying the reality of earthly relationships, griefs, joys, or possessions. Nor is he calling for emotional coldness. Rather, he is saying that all earthly conditions must now be lived in light of the age to come. Marriage, sorrow, joy, commerce, and worldly involvement must not dominate the believer’s identity or loyalties. Christians live in this world, but they must not be absorbed by it.

That leads to Paul’s concern about distraction. The unmarried believer can often give more undivided attention to the things of the Lord. The married believer has proper responsibilities toward a spouse, and that naturally divides attention. Paul is not criticizing marriage here. Pleasing one’s spouse in lawful ways is part of marital duty. His point is simply that marriage brings earthly responsibilities that singleness does not. Therefore, singleness may offer greater freedom for concentrated service to God. Paul says this for the believers’ benefit, not to restrict them or trap them in a rule. His aim is fitting, steady devotion to the Lord.

Verses 36–38 are among the more difficult lines in the chapter. The most likely meaning is that Paul is speaking to a man and his betrothed virgin, though some understand it as a father or guardian and his virgin daughter. On the more likely reading, if a man believes it would be improper not to proceed with marriage, especially as the situation becomes pressing, he does not sin by marrying. But if he is settled in his decision, under no compulsion, able to exercise self-control, and chooses not to marry, that is also good. So both paths are morally legitimate, but in Paul’s judgment remaining unmarried is better under the conditions he is addressing.

Paul closes by returning to the binding nature of marriage. A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. If her husband dies, she is free to marry again, but only to a fellow believer—“in the Lord.” Even then, Paul thinks she will be happier if she remains as she is. Again, this is pastoral counsel, not a denial of the legitimacy of remarriage after a spouse’s death. Paul ends by affirming that this judgment is given under the Spirit’s guidance.

Taken as a whole, the chapter must not be reduced to private advice detached from the rest of 1 Corinthians. Paul is correcting disorder in the Corinthian church and ordering the lives of believers and households under the lordship of Christ. In a church troubled by sexual disorder, confusion, and misplaced values, he calls Christians to chastity, fidelity, peace, contentment in God’s calling, and serious-minded devotion to the Lord in light of a passing world.

Key Truths: - Marriage is the proper setting for sexual relations, and spouses owe one another mutual marital duties. - Singleness and marriage are both gifts from God; neither is automatically superior in every case. - Believers should not divorce, and mixed marriages should continue if the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay. - The unbelieving spouse in a mixed marriage is set apart in a household sense, not automatically saved. - If an unbelieving spouse deserts the marriage, the believer should let the separation occur in peace; the meaning of “not bound” should be handled carefully because it is debated. - Conversion does not usually require immediate change in social status; believers should serve God faithfully where they are. - Paul’s preference for singleness is shaped by present pressures and by the value of undistracted service to the Lord, not by any idea that marriage is sinful. - Marriage binds for life, but widowhood brings freedom to remarry, provided the new marriage is in the Lord.